by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey
Published in 2000 by Waterbrook
Summary: This is the authors' attempt to present a solution for men to the growing issue of sexual temptation, specifically as it relates to visual imagery like pornography. Fred is the originator of the book as he related his personal struggle with sexual temptation in a manuscript he submitted to editor, Mike Yorkey. Stephen is an "experienced and widely respected counselor" that the publisher invited to be part of the project to offer a professional foundation rather than simply anecdotal stories addressing the issues. The book attempts to define the problem both practically and theologically, connect that problem with "every man," and then present a solution to have victory over the problem of sexual temptation. This book has become prolific in Christian men's circles and is in many ways a standard by which men use to address this problem. In the books defense it is at least an attempt to address a growing problem at a time when the Church wasn't really talking about it.
Review: In a phrase, I absolutely, unabashedly, without reservation hate this book! It frightens me to think that Christian men and pastor's are using it as a standard to help men with this problem and it sickens me to think of the damage we are doing to actual sex addicts who turn to this book for help. The problem begins with the title Every Man's Battle, this is a premise that I hope is not true. Does every man have issues of lust and the objectification of women? Or more likely are the authors presenting a cultural myth as an absolute? Clearly our culture in marketing and life objectifies women and men for that matter, particularly from a sexuality point of view; but I would argue that lust and objectification is not the natural state of every man's heart. From a philosophical standpoint it is the fallacy of moving from the particular to the whole, if it is true for some it must be true for all. So I reject the premise of the book from the outset.
To build upon the problem the author's then do a very poor job of delineating between the simple issue of lusting versus actual addiction. They present stories as if they are representative of every man's problem, but they are stories that are much more representative of a sexual addict. Two that come to mind are a man who is watching TV with his sister-in-law and a fellow at the bank. The first man decides to masturbate on the couch behind his sister-in-law after she falls asleep and he can see her underwear; the second man upon leaving the bank having been helped by a beautiful young lady has an overwhelming urge to pull over and masturbate. These are not every man's situations! These are men with a much deeper issue. The problem here is that it begins to cause men to categorize themselves into potentially false categories. The man who doesn't really have a problem might begin to categorize himself with actual sexual addicts while the addicts may dismiss their problem as something far less than it really is. The addict, who has deep issues of which the viewing of pornography our "lusting" are but mere symptoms, finds himself frustrated and hopeless as the technique of "bouncing your eyes" fails him time and again. The man who occasionally finds himself captivated by a beer commercial with beautiful women, much like the first year college psychology student, begins to think he has a very serious problem, thus creating issues of self image and self esteem.
A further rant of mine is that this book is basically written to married men yet is called "every man's battle." The authors solution for a single man to overcome lust and their "male urges towards sexual behavior" is to bounce your eyes and have wet dreams. Seriously, this is what we are putting out there as a standard for men? The authors even suggest that women need to help men by dressing modestly. So suddenly women are given part responsibility for "every man's lust?" I don't think so! Okay, I could go on and on and write a review that encompasses pages but I will stop here as I am guessing you have gotten the idea that I do not like this book. I would welcome comments and input from any men or women for that matter who have read this book. It would be nice to engage in a healthy dialogue around this book over healthy views of Christian sexuality and the issues we are being faced with regarding the oversexualizing of our culture particularly as related to pornography.
Reading Recommendation: Run away, do not read this book!
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